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by Sarah_JAG (msdonnatemplenoble)



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Earworm, F/M, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Multi, Naked Jack, Telepathic Bond, Tumblr Prompt, rating changed because of BITS of typical Jack humor, well a type of angst I suppose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-07-16 17:18:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7276948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msdonnatemplenoble/pseuds/Sarah_JAG
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose Tyler is in torment. Why won't the song leave her head? Why?! Whose fault is this? How do they cure it? And why is the Doctor wearing a straw hat?!</p>
            </blockquote>





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**Author's Note:**

  * For [Caedmon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caedmon/gifts).



> Written for @waltzing-with-my-inner-geek to satisfy her plot bunny for @timepetalsprompts and @caedmon who was evil enough to suggest the song "Cotton Eyed Joe" for the earworm.

Rose slowly banged her head against the table in the TARDIS’ galley. Methodically she raised her blonde head and let it drop between her encircled arms, joined together by her steaming cup of tea. Her fingers curled around it, but she didn’t bother to drink it.  
What was the point? Would it take away the never ending torture whirling around in her head?  
Of course not! So far, nothing had.  
Rose had tried reading. Listening to music, talking with the Doctor, the TARDIS…  
Even shagging the Doctor senseless hadn’t freed her from the grips of her personal hell!  
She sat up straight in her seat, vaguely aware of the sympathetic hum of the TARDIS competing with the endless, insipid tune playing on an endless loop in her head. With a groan, Rose pushed away from the table and made her way to the sink where she deposited her tea without bothering to take a sip.  
The normally energetic Rose Tyler dragged herself from the galley, pausing in the hallway that would take her either to the bedrooms or out to the flight console where she’d surely find the Doctor.  
She hesitated for a moment, unsure of which direction to turn until a rather insistent poke from the TARDIS caught her attention.

“Alright!” Rose mumbled, “no need to get bossy,” she complained as she turned towards the bedrooms. She knew the TARDIS was right. There was only one person to blame for the perpetual state of torment she was doomed to live in and that person needed to pay!

She didn’t bother to knock on the closed door, she knew it wouldn’t be locked. The TARDIS would see to that much. Rose threw open Jack’s bedroom door, wincing slightly when it slammed into the wall. She quickly sent an apology off to the TARDIS and smirked as Jack leapt from his bed. 

Completely naked!

“All hands on deck!” Jack called out, clearly disoriented. From seemingly out of nowhere, he produced some sort of weapon and whirled to face Rose with it.

“Whoa! Jack, it’s me, Rose!”

“Rosie?” he responded sounding partially relieved and a wee bit annoyed, tossing the gun aside and rubbing the sleep from his eyes “what the hell is going on? Are you alright? Is it the Doctor? Daleks? What?”

Rose huffed, averting her eyes from the slightly disheveled and still very naked Captain Jack Harkness. “None of the above, this is about what you did to me last night Jack!” she accused him, whiskey coloured eyes narrowing, before relenting and breaking out in one of her tongue touching teeth grins, “But um, while I appreciate the gesture, there’s no need to salute me.”

“Salute…?” Jack gave her a perplexed look before he glanced down at his very prominent morning erection. Placing his hands on his hips, he tilted his head as he gave her a cheeky grin, not looking the least bit embarrassed. “What can I tell you Rose? You obviously have my full attention.”

She groaned and picked up a shirt from his floor and tossed it at the American, rolling her eyes in the process. “Yeah, me and just about everyone else in the bloody universe,” she teased him.

The former Time Agent only shrugged, effortlessly catching the shirt and slipping his arms into it, “What can I tell you, I don’t like to discriminate?” he chuckled at her as he buttoned it down the front.  
Jack crossed the room, awake now thanks to Rose’s unannounced visit, and picked up a pair of trousers he had tossed carelessly across a chair in his room. Slipping his legs into them, one at a time, he trained his blue eyes upon the frazzled looking girl.  
“So, what is it that I did to you Rose and why don’t I remember? More importantly, tell me how good I was at it.”

Shooting him a look, Rose pointed at her head, “You did this to me Jack! You insisted we go to that awful club that played that horrible song and now… Now it is stuck in my head and I can’t get rid of it no matter what I do!” she wailed, collapsing upon his bed in a heap.

He paused. One leg in, one leg out of his trousers. His eyebrows lost somewhere in his still tousled hair. “Are you telling me, all of this fuss is because of an earworm?” his tone was more than a bit incredulous.

Rose sat up after flopping over in desperate exhaustion a moment earlier. The sodding song had even infiltrated her dreams! Tormenting her in her sleep! Her eyes flashed with unbridled fury, “’is not funny Jack! It’s bloody awful!” her voice turning into more of a whine at the end.

With a small shake of his head, he finished slipping on his trousers and joined her on the bed, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. A sympathetic smile blossomed upon his face as he gave her a little squeeze, “Aw Rosie, it can’t be all that bad. Tell Jack now, which song is it?”

He was humouring her but she didn’t even care at this point if he could help her. She turned to him, resting her head upon his shoulder with a heavy sigh.

“Cotton-Eyed Joe,” she murmured.

Jack’s eyes widened in horror, “Oh, that is bad! We should go find the Doctor,” he informed her.

Rose sat up at once alarmed. “Why? Is it some sort of alien trick? I knew somethin' that bloody awful had to be evil! Is it gonna melt my brain or sumthin’ like that?” she asked suddenly scared.

“No, nothing like that,” Jack admitted, “it’s just a _really_ terrible song!”

Jack and Rose strolled hand in hand towards the TARDIS’s flight console. They both agreed that is where they’d surely find the Doctor, tinkering away. He hadn’t joined them last night at the dance club on London’s west end. They had only stopped for the weekend. Long enough for Rose to satisfy Jackie’s need to see her daughter, but while they were here, Jack mentioned it would be a pity to not check out the local nightlife.  
Besides, it had been a long time since Rose had seen her old friends and Shareen was practically drooling over Jack. Rose couldn’t help but show off a little.

Well, she was certainly paying the price for it now!

As they rounded the corner approaching their destination, the two friends continued to go over all the known ways to vanquish earworms.  
Rose had tried them all to no avail.

“Have you tried…?”

“Yup,” Rose cut him off, popping the “p” for added emphasis. “Face it Jack, I’m doomed.” Rose was looking down at her trainers as she walked, the synthesised, country-pop, fusion refrain of the song echoed in her mind like some sort of perverse joke, only, this one wasn’t funny. Beside her, Jack suddenly stopped short.

“OH.MY.GODS. Um, Rose, didn’t you tell me that you and the Doctor share some sort of telepathic link?” he asked, cocking his head as if trying to make sense of something.

Rose looked up at Jack, noting he wasn’t looking at her, but something off in the distance. “Yeah, why… OH.MY.GAWD! DOCTOR?!” she exclaimed dropping Jack’s hand and taking off running towards the Doctor a short distance away.

For his part, the Doctor hadn’t heard his companions approaching. He was too busy dancing a jig around the TARDIS flight console as he set her coordinates.

“Hello! There you two are!” he exclaimed happily. His cheeks were pink from the exertion of hopping about, his smile bright and inviting and his eyes shining. However, one look at the shocked faces of Jack and Rose and he froze, his smile lost.  
“What?! What’s wrong?” he rushed forward, taking Rose’s hands in his own, studying her face, “Rose what is it? Are you ill? Hurt?” he tossed a helpless glance over towards Jack, “Jack?”

Jack was no help. He just stood there, leaning against the wall of the TARDIS, one hand covering what was obviously a bemused grin but his eyes gave him away.

The Doctor raised an eyebrow and looked back at Rose, “Is somebody going to tell me what’s going on with the two of you?” he demanded.

“Doctor?” Jack finally spoke up, while Rose just looked at him with a combination of aggravation and amusement. “What are you wearing?” he slowly raised his hand to point at the Time Lord's head. 

Relieved, the Doctor’s smile returned, “You like it?” he asked releasing one of Rose’s hands and adjusting the straw hat perched upon his head. “I was thinking maybe we’d go check out some agricultural societies of Earth’s past, how does that sound? Rose?” he shrugged, “I don’t know why, but I’ve been in the mood for a good ol’ fashioned ho-down! You know, sunshine, fresh air, muuuuusic!” he beamed, letting the last word roll off his tongue before dropping Rose’s hands all together and rushing over to the TARDIS’ console. “Speaking of ho-downs, there’s something I want the two of you to hear. You'll love it! It’s so much fun. Simply brilliant really! Not sure where I first heard it myself... But I can't get enough of it!”

In a moment of clarity, Rose _knew_ what he was going to do! “NO!” she called out to him, but it was too late.

With a flick of a switch, “Cotton-Eyed Joe” filled the TARDIS and Jack let out a raucous laugh as a beaming Doctor grabbed a disheartened Rose Tyler by the hands and started dragging her around in an attempt to get her to dance with him.


End file.
